| If you have ever worn a probation ankle bracelet. |
| If you ever got a black eye at church. |
| If you moved from ham radio to CB radio. |
| If you got into a fight in the courtroom. |
| If you ever showed up for court drunk. |
| If you ever got shot at a family reunion. |
| If you came home from work and your house was gone. |
| If you ever got cut by your cousin at a family reunion. |
| If you got into a fight at the funeral home. |
| If you discussed picking a fight at a funeral home in South Gastonia. |
| If the man working at the dump has ever eaten supper at your house. |
| If you got caught with a crack rock in your pocket at the probation office. |
| If you got a DWI because you passed out in drive-thru at McDonalds. |
| If a dead body was found in your back yard. |
| If you witnessed a drive by shooting. |
| If you were talking to your friend on the phone while he witnessed a drive by shooting. |
| If you beat someone’s ass at the magistrate office. |
| If you continued to beat their ass while being processed. |
| If you ever knocked out your brother in the emergency room. |
| If you kicked a cop’s ass at a high school football game. |
| If you originated a party at rehab. |
| If you wrote a bad check for Christmas presents. |
| If you told the preacher to step outside with the intentions of kicking his ass. |
| If you ever got into shotgun battle with your neighbor, more than once. |
| If you ever collected your money at the end of a shotgun. |
| If you ever knocked out 5 people while lying on the ground with a broken leg. |
| If you ever broke your brothers nose at a football game. |
| If you ever burned down your brother-in-law's house because your wife sold your truck to him. |
| If you ever cut through the parking lot of a funeral home while being chased by the police. |
| If you can tell the difference between a car backfire and a gun shot. |
| If you enjoy Xanax and being loud for no reason. |
| If you’ve ever used cases of beer as a makeshift chair and then got drunk and passed out in the beer cave of a convenience store |
| If you ever pulled your gun at a funeral home. |
| If you ever hired a professional fireworks person for 4th of July and they burned your house down. |
| If you got a tattoo in the dining room of Wendy's. |
| If you gave someone a tattoo in the dining room of Wendy's. |
| If you know the person that got the Tattoo at Wendy's |
| If you ever used a patio umbrella for a regular umbrella. |
| If you and your wife go to jail the same day. |
| If you were involved in an employee brawl at WhatABurger. |
| If you did a burnout with your motorcycle at the funeral home after a funeral. |
| If you ever smoked a joint in the parking lot of the funeral home. |
| If you drove your State Farm Insurance car to the liquor store |
| If you left your false teeth at the Funeral home. |
| If you called in a bomb threat to the courthouse the day your brother was being sentenced to prsion. |